Calm mama

Always a moving blur, but I love how the sun was shining on him.

When Gideon was born, I was a mess.  An emotional, hormonal, nervous mess.  I questioned EVERYTHING, probably to the point of making Taylor question my sanity or his for marrying me.  I had heart palpitations if he wasn't napping or nursing at the right times, or if he fussed and I couldn't figure out why.  I've had a million mild (and some full-on) heart attacks when he's taken a fall and I know Taylor wants to ring my neck when I do the gasp.  You know the one.  All moms do it.  I was an uptight mama and have just recently began to calm down and understand that what will happen, will happen and Gideon will turn out fine.  (If Taylor is reading this, he is probably laughing his head off and calling me out for "calming down."  Baby steps, man)

I realized I had reached a point of calmness in Target last week.  Target.  Many of life's lessons can be learned there.  It was bedtime for my little guy, but I needed to stop with my sister-in-law to pick up wipes and Almond milk. Gideon had been going to bed later because hey, vacation.  Well, he reached code red tantrum level of no I do NOT want to be carried, no I will not follow you, don't you think about putting me in that cart, I see football on the millions of tvs and no you will not move me.  So I picked him up and carried him like a sack of potatoes under my arm as I grabbed the wipes and headed for the milk.  He screamed the entire time.  I kept my head up and kept going.  My SIL said there was a couple with a newborn hysterically laughing about it.

You just wait.  Your time is coming.  

I still have my quirks and the things that make me nervous or anxious about mothering, but the smashed banana in the carpet that I can't figure out how it got there no longer insights crazy mom.  The dirt, sand, shells, cat food going into his mouth gets a shrug and a smirk from me now.  The no naps, tantrums, picky eating, always eating, never eating invokes a change in activity and a piece of chocolate for me.

I'll probably always, ALWAYS gasp when he falls (I pushed him out, so anything that could possibly damage him, is mine to gasp at) but I hope I continually calm down and hey, maybe by my third or even fourth (Tay we can talk about it later) I'll be a freaking blissed out mama.