18 November 2014

Baby N update.

At our gender ultrasound we were told that our boy had an irregular heartbeat and that it faltered twice while the technician was checking everything out.  During previous check-ups it had never done this and again right after as they listened it stayed steady and constant.  Our doctors decided they would rather be overly cautious and referred us to MUSC in Charleston to have an in depth look at his heart to make sure all was well.

They seemed positive nothing was wrong, so we did too.  My midwife even personally called me later that evening to assure me that she felt it was a fluke and a result of my size mixed with the pressure from the ultrasound wand that made it slow for a bit.  We put it in the back of our minds and celebrated the fact we were having a boy.

It took over a month before I heard from MUSC about scheduling because they had an incorrect phone number for me.  The day they called, she asked if I could come in two days later.  I kept thinking, that's really fast and really soon.  Then she gave me an overview of the appointment and explained that after the ultrasound we would meet with a "genetic specialist if needed."  Their urgency in getting me in started to click as I realized that later in the week I would be twenty four weeks along.  Genetic specialist, twenty four weeks.  I knew why.

Up to this point, Taylor and I had been confident that all was well.  And I still was.  But, as a parent, when terms like "genetic specialist" are being thrown around, you begin to hear the what-ifs that are subtly poking around in the back of your mind.  What if his heart is sick?  

Our appointment was super early in the morning, so we loaded Gideon in the car while it was still dark and trekked up to Charleston.  My first time to Charleston.

As we walked back to the ultrasound room, the same words that I had prayed exactly eleven months earlier as I was wheeled into another ultrasound room echoed in my head.  Lord, you are the same when I walk into this room and when I leave it.  No matter what.  I believed it then even as I walked out with heartbreaking news and I believed it now.  He wouldn't change.

Our technician was so sweet and she checked everything.  Showing us his tiny fingers and toes and explaining that he was folded in half and snuggling his face into my back.  Spine, kidneys, brain, lips, nose, mouth.  We saw it all.  And then his heart.  She showed us how it was pumping and listened to it several times.  Then she said the most perfect thing, "His heart is beautiful."  I wouldn't have been able to describe it any better.  Beautiful.

For fun, she switched to the 3D ultrasound and right away he yawned the biggest yawn.  Gideon was enthralled at this point and kept talking about "baby bwova on the tv."  I couldn't keep my eyes off that screen either.  Beautiful.

When we first found out we were pregnant this time, I had chosen Psalm 27:14 to pray for this baby.  Looking back, I know why I was drawn to it.  " Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart." 

It only felt fitting to celebrate with donuts afterwards.  Even going into the day unworried, it still felt like a huge victory.

A few other little things:
- He weighs in at 1 pound 4 ounces right now.
- Taylor thinks he looks like me.
- He is most definitely still a boy.
- He has long arms.
- He is camera shy and prefers to not show his face.
-He enjoyed the donuts, too!

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