No judgey-judge, OK?

He's all "mom is losing it, guys."

I feel like I am going crazy. Or at least that my ears are bleeding from all the noise (read, screaming) from a certain 16 month old child lately. Molars. F the molars, and that is how strongly I feel about it.  I assume all other parents will agree, if they can remember back to that time, and honestly I don't think they can because I assure you I will be blocking this blip of time out of my memory forever. And ever. Amen.

Gideon has decided to take this opportunity to throw a royal fit of contempt each and every time we put him in the crib. You would think the crib was on fire with the display he puts on. No, kid. Just a fluffy mattress, clean sheet and adjusted temperature to fit your needs.  How dare we?  I know.  He's pulling a fast one on us.  The moment you get him out of the crib, he's all smiles and "hey, glad you could come and get me" about it. Sometimes, I'll rock him and after a little while say something like "are you ready to get back in your crib?"  Dumb, Emily. Just dumb. Let's not give him the idea that this is an option because really, I am met every single time with an emphatic "NO."

I'm a rookie, guys. OK? No, home runs right now. I would love to just get to first plate or really to sit on the bench. Yep, I'd be alright with sitting on the bench because then I might be able to catch a nap.  Not much sleep going on around these parts.  Also, what is it about nighttime that makes you the worst version of yourself? All of a sudden, the most horrible statements and thoughts make perfect sense inside your head and the next day you wonder how you thought that was OK.  No, idea. I guess this would be my "parenting mystery."

I won't go into detail about him during the day. A little better than night but not much. Let's just say mama ate three Cadbury creme eggs yesterday. And not the mini version. Full-sized, baby. I needed all the chocolate.

Not sure why I started typing this and not sure how to end it. Brain dead.  Oh well. A post to make you feel better about your parenting and food choices. Stellar. Also, toddler for sale free.

*Must write in satire because the only other option is tears.