25 March 2014
Letters // 03
Dear stomach virus,
You suck. Leave my kid alone or I will Lysol you to death.
Dear Ben and Jerry's half-baked pint,
I enjoyed our date the other night. It had been a rough week and you showed up just in time. Don't tell anyone that I lacked self-control and you no longer exist.
I'm addicted to selling things on you. You make it so easy and it is nice to get rid of things I don't need anymore. Keep it up.
I'm ready for April. So sorry, but you haven't been the kindest to us. April brings Easter, warmer weather, and flowers. Try again next year, OK?
Dear new pillow,
I don't know why I waited so long to buy you. We realized this was the first time we ever bought new pillows in our marriage. Thanks for being fluffy and soft and not flat like a pancake.
Get with the program.