Whirlwind.

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The past four days have been a whirlwind.  I felt like I was losing my mind at times and Taylor probably thought I had.  We packed up a huge truck on Friday and went to stay with my parents that night.  We left early Saturday, Taylor and my dad leaving a few hours before me and my mom.  On the way down, I had a crying Gideon by myself in the car and my mom had a crying Nala by herself in her car.  So, by the time we got down here I was already frazzled.  And then I walked into an apartment I had never seen that was now my new home and I lost it.  I cried and cried because nothing seemed to fit and then I saw that some of our furniture had been scratched in the move and I lost it again.  I can't honestly say what came over me, but I was the worst version of myself that day.  And I can't apologize for all of it because I know deep down it was coming from a place of fear.  Fear of the new and unknown and also wanting something better than the apartment for my family.  It's not a bad apartment really, but we went from wanting to buy a house this Spring to living in another apartment for another year.  And it began to feel like a cycle that won't end, but I know it will.

Not sure if any of this is making sense.  I think mainly I am writing for myself today.  To remind myself that we are where we need to be despite the fact that Gideon is refusing to nap and is currently taking the animals off of his mobile and throwing them out of his crib.  It will be OK.  It will feel like home soon.