I remember the overwhelming feeling after Gideon was born that nothing would ever be the same. Well, yea Em. I constantly was asking when things would get back to "normal." Guess what? Normal has changed.
I sat in the kitchen eating dinner with Gideon in his highchair last night. Taylor was at work and all of a sudden I couldn't remember what I did on nights like these before Gideon. Did I pick up take-out? Did I eat leftovers, like I do now? Did I watch T.V.? Clean? I can't remember. I know there was life before Gideon. I remember parts of it, but in these everyday moments, it doesn't seem to have ever been.
I think he was always here. Always a part of me and a part of Taylor. He was a part of our story from the beginning and now that he is physically here, we can't remember life without him. I had music playing while Gideon and I sat in the in the kitchen. The song I walked down the aisle to came on and the memories of that day flooded my mind. I remember that day, and yes it was before Gideon. But as I hear that bridge swell and remember the look on Taylor's face as the doors opened and he saw me, I also see Gideon. He was a part of it all.
I know deep within, I will feel this way about each of our children as we have them. I won't "remember" life before them. They will have always been a part of us. I keep telling Taylor that I want to hurry up and have all our babies so we can feel complete in our family. I'm ready for that "normal."
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you..." -Jeremiah 1:5