Breastfeeding

For those who don't want to read about breastfeeding, just come back tomorrow.  In other words, any guys out there, we will see you later. I plan to be very honest here, right now.  But, I guess I am always, so what's new?  I know some will probably turn their nose up at what I have to say, which is so disheartening.  As mothers, I feel we often find fault in each other's decisions when we should be supporting with everything we have.  Motherhood can feel lonely sometimes so why not stand up for each other and our right to parent how we want to.

So here goes, I am an epidural receiving, breastfeeding, non-co-sleeping mama and I respect any moms who have natural births, use formula, or sleep with their babies every night.  While I am currently a full-time breastfeeding mom, I had a love/hate relationship with it in the beginning.

I never gave much thought to it other than, "yes, I will try breastfeeding, but I am not going to be upset if it doesn't work out."  I didn't want to go in putting too much pressure on myself.  In the hospital, I tried feeding G right after he was born with the help of one of my nurses.  It went well and she said I had "great anatomy for breastfeeding."  Also known as, tiny boobs.

I ended up hating breastfeeding in the first three weeks after Gideon was born.  Not because it was painful, which is what most women say.  Honestly, it never hurt me.  I know, I know, don't hate me. I hated breastfeeding because it was the one thing that made me feel claustrophobic as a mother and isolated.  Weird, right?

When you are the sole source of nutrition for your baby, it can be overwhelming. Every 2 to 3 hours in the beginning, you are responsible to feed that sweet baby.  It made it difficult to make any kind of plans that would place me away from Gideon and all of a sudden I felt trapped.

It was also difficult in social situations when Gideon would need to eat. I would often go to another room by myself to feed him for 30 to 45 minutes which was so isolating.  It got better when I started using my nursing cover and staying in the same room with everyone. I know this can make others uncomfortable, but they can get over it.

For a while, I thought for sure I would be switching to formula any time, but somewhere within I became determined. And not just because formula costs more than my car. But that was a small part. It got better when I started pumping and Gideon started drinking that from a bottle. The trapped feeling got less and less and I began to understand that I could make this work.

And here we are, 12 weeks in, breastfed all the way with no supplement. And I am proud. Not bragging. Just proud that I made it this far and no plans to stop anytime soon. I don't want to place a stop date as I feel that would give me an easy out. As long as it works, we will go with it and if we make it to a year, then great!