Confessions of a tired mama

+ A few weeks ago, I meal planned, made my grocery list, had all of the kids down for naps and as soon as Taylor walked in the door from church I ran out to grocery shop ALONE. I was feeling on fire for being so organized, until I parked at Walmart and discovered I had no purse. But, I had my reusable bags so that's something, right?

+ I never thought I would be that mom at my kid's sporting events, but since Gideon started soccer I have found that I am loud. Never mind that they are four and have never played before. Mama's yelling "steal the ball," "just take it." "Get out there and pay attention." All the while, G is doing ninja moves in la la land.

+ The iPad. Yes, the iPad has become a constant companion in the car. Ugh, I told myself we wouldn't use it for distraction unless we were on a long trip, but now with preschool pick-up right at Nolan's nap time, I use it to keep him awake until we get home. Car naps are the real murderers of all things good.

+ My favorite middle of the night-nursing activity is to fill online carts with things I want that I will never buy.

+ I use to hate when fall would come and it would get dark so early. As a mom, it's one of my favorite things. "Get in bed. IT'S DARK!" {Dreading when Gideon can actually tell time}.

+ I despise all things scary, horror, gross. Every person who posts anything related to that creepy IT movie on social media is getting blocked. Bye Felicia. No.

+ I don't drink coffee. I can feel your judgment through my computer.

things with three

It's no secret that having kids makes some things more difficult. You have to plan more and prep in order to do the things you usually do. I remember Gideon's three day well-check like it just happened.  I scheduled it for nine in the morning because I've always been a morning person and punctual so I figured I could get there on time. I forgot to take into consideration that I would be running low on sleep, therefore sleeping in. Plus time to nurse Gideon before we left, on top of getting myself ready. And to make it even more fun he peed through his diaper and all over my clothes of which I had no more pants options because no laundry done and postpartum which means nothing fits. Hello, thirty minutes late to appointment.

I've figured a few things out since then and with each baby we bring on board I've had to adjust and learn some ninja tricks to help me get things done, get places on time, and keep my general sanity. So here are a few things in my arsenal of magic.

+ Meal planning. Oh, I know those are dirty words to some people and I use to hate doing it, but now it makes life so much simpler. Every Sunday afternoon, I sit down and write out dinner meals for the week. Seven days. I ask Taylor his opinion on what he would like and then fill in the rest. And just so you don't think I'm planning gourmet, whole 30 compliant fancy things, we almost always have one night that says "pizza" and another that is "breakfast for dinner." I make a complete grocery list from my planned out meals which simplifies the shopping trip and ensures we don't need to make any extra runs later in the week.

+ Laundry/weekly prep. Sunday is my get it done day. With Taylor being a pastor, Sunday is technically the start of our week so I go ahead and get things going. I sort and prep all the laundry so it's ready to throw in on Monday morning.  I do little things to prep the house for the week. Clean litter box and sweep, stock diapers and wipes downstairs, empty trash from bathrooms.  It makes me not so frantic come Monday morning. {We also do laundry on Thursday so Wednesday is another prep night}.

+ Grocery shop. I do this every Monday morning for the week. Taylor thinks I'm crazy to do this with all three kiddos, but we've got to eat. I love Monday morning because the stores are empty of crowds.  I can maneuver my circus through there with minimal collateral damage. One thing that helps me get this done is the Shop Binxy cart hammock. I actually only discovered this after Lincoln was born because all of a sudden I had no where to fit actual groceries in the cart with the carseat in it, Nolan up front, and Gideon hanging on the side. This genius hammock fits most groceries carts, works for babies until they are sitting on their own AND can even safely hold the carseat if you don't want to wake your sleeping babe. Um, why did I not design this first.

+ Make beds daily. We make all the beds first thing in the morning. And by we, I mean me. I don't know why, but making the beds sets the tone for my day. It also doesn't give me the option to crawl back in it and set up camp which in all honesty is what I would love to do most days. But, duty calls. Taylor even saw an article recently that said people who make their beds every day live more peaceful lives. I need all the peace I can get.

shirt from declan and crew

+ Dry shampoo. Yep. I went there. I don't wash my hair every day. I'm mostly an every other day girl and sometimes push it to day three hair. This allows me to sleep a little longer on some days, to save time getting ready and to minimize hair damage. Win, win, win.

+ Use of TV, free grocery store cookies, and the dollar store. I'm not ashamed of these. Sometimes as a mom you just need time to get things done and if a show/movie, free cookie, and cheap toys helps then do it. DO IT.

+ Light a candle and ignore. When the crazy gets crazy I just light a candle and go to my happy place. Boys fighting? Mama doesn't hear it. In fact, my name isn't mom anymore.


* Binxy Baby provided the cart hammock to me, but as always this is me genuine opinion.  Feel free to use my referral code for 10% off your own genuis cart hammock.

sleep and postpartum anxiety

One of the hardest things for me postpartum is the anxiety. It is so overwhelming at times and is triggered mostly by sleep, or lack thereof for me. But also sleep in the baby sense.  From the moment we had Gideon, sleep was the biggest thing I thought about.  When should he sleep? How long should he be sleeping?  Our room?  His room?  The swing? It was so much to think about.

I knew that I wanted our babies to sleep in their own space.  Co-sleeping was just not something I could handle.  I also knew that at some point they needed to be able to go to sleep on their own without nursing, rocking, etc.  But how?  Whew, talk about anxiety inducing.  It skyrocketed for me.

Well, bringing home my third baby was no different.  The anxiety over issues such as sleep still showed up.  You would think having gone through this a couple of times I would have the mental capacity to know that they do sleep eventually.  But the task of making it happen was dragging me down.

When we first brought Lincoln home, I had him sleeping in his rock-n-play next to our bed.  I thought he would find it more cozy than the pack-n-play.  He slept great for a bit, but after a few weeks I wanted to move him to his room.  Did not go as planned.  His crib felt way too big for him after the rock-n-play and he was already use to sleeping at an incline so laying flat felt weird.  He would jerk and wake himself up immediately. AH. I was stressing to the max.

Enter the DockATot. Holy amazing, you guys. I was pumped when the black box holding this bad boy showed up.  We were in the midst of three weeks of Lincoln having a cold and sleep being nonexistent. I didn't move him from the rock-n-play immediately because I thought sleeping at an incline would help his congestion. But, then I had enough and made the switch. And he slept amazing; I'm talking 7 to 8 hour stretches amazing. He feels snug and secure in the Dock and has slept better than any of our boys ever did.  I love that it is breathable so I don't worry and have more added on to my anxious mind.  We got the Deluxe which is great for babies up to age 8 months and they also have a Grand that I hear is awesome to transition toddlers to a bed.

It's been great to drag around as a place to put him when I need to tend to the big boys. Outside for pool time, on the floor while I fold laundry, all over the place. I can't wait to take it to the beach and when we travel. It will be nice that he has a sleeping space that feels familiar to him. Hands down one of the best baby items I own. I swear if I just had this and my Solly Baby Wrap I'd be all set.

While I still struggle through postpartum anxiety and all that comes with that, sleep is no longer a trigger for it.  Lincoln is sleeping which means mama gets to sleep which means I have energy when I need it.

*DockATot provided the DockATot Deluxe to us, but as always, this is my real and genuine opinion of the product.  If you are interested in one use my referral link to get $10 off {I will also earn money through this link!}

Confessions of a tired mama

People have jokingly asked if Lincoln is ever out of the wrap. I'm all "Haha, nope. I have two other kids so my hands are kind of important to have available."

+ I'm low on sleep right now. Shocker, right? When there are rare instances that I can sleep and my dear sweet husband is snoring due to allergies, exhaustion, etc. I maybe, possibly, may push his arm or kick his leg to wake him up and then pretend I'm asleep so that he will stop snoring and I can pass out. {And by maybe, I mean every time}.

+ At the end of my pregnancy, I would bribe Gideon with dollars or candy to scratch/rub my back.  I'm thinking about continuing this.

+ How do I willingly get my boys to take a picture every Sunday before church, you ask. Candy. It's called candy. {Follow our Sunday series on Instagram #thoseburgessboys. And I clearly am not above bribery}.

+ We've been hitting up the "Old McDonalds" as Gideon calls it on Sundays after church because crying and hungry baby plus it pretty much being nap time and I'm tired. While that is a confession in and of itself {so healthy} the real confession is that after a day or two I usually throw the happy meal toys away. Ain't no one got time for that junk in their house.

+ I've also had to come up with some cunning tales about the whereabouts of some preschool artwork. I mean, I've saved the cutest ones, but Cheerios glued to paper isn't my thing.

+ We jokingly talk about my OCD habits at home, but in all seriousness it's so true. So much so that during a conference with Gideon's preschool teacher this year, she told me that he was "very particular" about how the blocks were put away and directed the other kids on where to put them. She said she loved it and the kids listened to him better than her so she let him be in charge of that. {Monkey covering eyes emoji. He gets it from his mama}

+ I took the doctor who delivered Nolan and Lincoln flowers at my postpartum check-up. It's my last baby, she was amazing, and anyone who can make it through labor and delivery with me deserves a little gift.

A birth story: Lincoln Asher

Lincoln Asher

April 10, 2017 | 3:24 pm

7 pounds 9 ounces | 20 inches

We knew from the beginning that our due date was going to be a hectic and crazy time for our family.  We originally said we could not have a baby around Easter, but God chuckled and we found out that sweet baby was coming while on our anniversary trip to New York City.

Early on we discussed planning an induction for early the week of Easter.  Most people probably think we are ridiculous, but I wanted to do it more than anything.  This was the first Easter for our church plant and I wanted Taylor to be there more than anything.  This is what he was called to do and Easter is the biggest opportunity of the year for new people to walk through those doors.  I didn't want him stressed about me going into labor.  I also was induced with both previous births so it wasn't new to me.  I felt calm knowing what to expect and my body has responded positively every time.

At 35 weeks, one of my awesome doctors let me go ahead and schedule.  So it was all set for Monday, April 10.  My favorite doctor (who also delivered Nolan) was on for that day and it was early enough in the week that we felt comfortable having him then.

Several times leading up, I thought I wouldn't make it to that day.  But every OB appointment brought disappointment as I was barely dilated and not progressing throughout the weeks.  My last appointment they said I was finally at 2 cm.

Monday, April 10.  They didn't need me to come to the hospital until 8 am.  I really loved that I got to see my big boys before heading in.  My parents were already in town so before we left the house we held hands and prayed over the day.  I held my Nolan's hand and then watched him clap excitedly as we all cheered, knowing he had zero clue what was happening.

Checking in to the hospital was smooth and quick.  I signed a few papers and they put me in a room to check my dilation (same as my last appointment) and to make a game plan.  Surprisingly, the unit had several other women laboring (I was the only one with Nolan) and it filled up completely throughout the day.

My sweet doctor came in and asked if I wanted her to go ahead and break my water.  I immediately said yes knowing that this was necessary for my body to progress as proven by my previous births.  She broke my water and gave me the option to wait and see if my body labored on its own or to start pitocin.  I opted for pitocin.  I was ready to meet my baby.  She asked if I was planning an epidural and I told her no.  I had done it once before and knew deep inside I could again.

We turned on HGTV which seems to be my laboring channel preference and watched some fun flip shows while we waited for the pitocin to be raised each half hour.  My mom said she didn't think I could be in labor because I was being too funny.  I was surprised at the amount of fluid (seemed way more this time) from my water breaking and kept joking that this baby was just going to float on out.

Around 11 am I told Taylor that the contractions were getting stronger and I really wanted him to go ahead and eat so he could be there when it got bad.  He ran across the street and picked up some McDonald's.  It smelled amazing while he and my mom ate so I asked the nurse if I could chew on some ice (just because I need something to do). She said I could even have a popsicle which ended up tasting incredible.  I felt some renewed energy as the contractions got stronger and stronger and opted to move to the the birthing ball to rock for a bit.

Soon after, my sister arrived.  I had invited her months ago to be there.  She had to miss both my other boys births and ended up being sick while our other sister gave birth in October.  I knew this was my last baby and wanted to give her the chance to be there.

I used the bathroom and then chose to get back in the bed due to ridiculous amounts of fluid everywhere and the monitor not being in a good place to pick up baby's heart rate.  Not long after, the contractions got very strong.  I was torn between calling for my doctor to check me.  I wanted to know, but also feared not being very progressed and getting hit with a sense of disappointment.  I mentally was stalling myself throughout the day, scared of the hurdles I knew I still had to jump to get this baby here.

We called for my doctor and she said I was at a 6.  That was encouraging as not much time had passed.  The pitocin was set at an 8 and we decided to leave it there as the contractions were horrendously painful and obviously working.  We turned the tv off and I asked Taylor to turn on the Hillsong worship album I had on my phone.

Things got truly emotional for me at this point.  Taylor sat on my bed and held my hand as the mountains climbed.  He reminded me to breathe and I closed my eyes listening to the words of the music while I huffed through each one.

"Holy is the Lord revealed before my eyes

And my burdened heart can scarcely take it in

As I behold your beauty with unworthy eyes

The only song my soul can find to sing

Is Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah my King"

These lyrics filled the room and tears filled my eyes as I felt the pain and knew the enormity of what I was experiencing.  We kept joking with my nurse all day that all of the ladies in the unit were going to end up delivering at the same time.  Not long after this, we heard the cries of a baby nearby and I lost it, letting the tears roll.

I alternated squeezing Taylor's hand, the bed rail, and chewing on ice.  As I started moaning through contractions and wanting more than anything to scream, Taylor fiercely reminded me not to let myself get there yet.  I asked them to push the call button and yelled into the speaker that I needed to be checked.

Dr. Norton came in and calmly checked. Telling me I was an 8 and progressing well.  She showed Taylor where to push on my back to relieve some pressure and it felt amazing.  I labored like that for a while.  As each contraction hit, longer and closer together, Taylor pushed on my back.  The nurse began rolling carts of supplies in my room and my mom and sister encouraged me saying that meant it was almost time to push.  "They don't bring that in unless you're close."






I got louder and again asked for my doctor.  She said I was definitely a 9 pretty much 10 and thinned all the way.  She asked if I would like to try and push or wait.  I asked her what she thought and she said she thought he would come.  The room filled with people as they got ready.  With the next contraction I began to push.  With each push I held my breath and gave it my all.  It hurt more than I remembered with my other boys.  Everyone rang encouragements on me as I screamed through my pushes.  I distinctly remember Taylor whispering prayers in my ear. "Lord, give her strength."

My eyes were closed as I heard everyone yelling, "His head is out!! You're almost there."  But, the pain didn't stop and I didn't feel relief like I did with the other boys.  My mom heard the doctor say baby had a compound shoulder or arm (which I still really don't know what that means), but baby was half way out and just stuck there.  I felt so much pain and kept yelling things like "holy hell" and "get him out!"

According to my mom and Taylor, my doctor practically stuck her whole hand inside to help his shoulder out.  I felt every tiny bit of it.

At 3:24, after only 14 minutes of pushing (but what felt like an hour), Lincoln Asher was laid on my chest and I cried.  And cried.  And cried.  I was so relieved that I had done it and so happy that he was here.  He screamed for a few seconds and then was content on my chest.  I looked at Taylor and emphatically told him we were done having babies!  And then immediately asked if he was indeed a boy!  (We had been joking about it really being a girl since we had only one ultrasound and the tech said his legs were crossed).

I was so excited that he had a head full of dark hair.  I was hoping so and knew it was possible with how bad my indigestion had been.  My doctor delivered the placenta and then had to push vigorously on my uterus as not all of the membrane had come out.  It hurt terribly and then of course came a few stitches (she said it was a tiny tear, but would feel best with a stitch or two).

I told Taylor later that if Nolan's pushing had been like Lincoln's we probably would not have had another baby.  It was a very intense experience.

Lincoln was weighed and measured.  Seven pounds nine ounces.  Right in the range with my small babes.  My sister took photos (all day for us!) and I nursed him before my dad brought the big boys in.  Nolan was not sure about me being in the hospital bed and spent the hour they were there completely ignoring that Lincoln was even in the room.  A hard adjustment for sure. (Day two was better and he gave some kisses and tried to strangle hold him which in Nolan land is love).  Gideon wanted to hold him non-stop and kept trying to take him from anyone else who held him.

It's emotional for me that this phase of my life is now over.  We know that we are done biologically having any more kids.  While I didn't always enjoy pregnancy, I am grateful for the experiences I had and for the ability to carry so many babes inside (even those who I don't hold Earth-side) and to give birth to my three boys.

Lincoln Asher, you have made our family so happy and I wouldn't trade you for a million girls.

Robe: c/o Shop PinkBlush  This was amazing to have post-delivery and made me feel somewhat put together while being great to nurse in.

dairy-free life

He loves his dairy-free smoothie

I've had a bunch of questions about surviving a year of dairy-free eating in order to continue nursing. This is the second time I have done this (although it was much shorter the first time) and I think I found a better rhythm and way of eating this time.  So I thought I would share for others who are experiencing the same issues which is extremely common in babies.

Breakfast:
The most important thing is to read labels on things you are buying.  So start there.  If it contains dairy it will say "contains: milk."  So check that first.  I ate a bunch of cereal (granola, Cheerios, etc) and put almond milk in it.  Oatmeal is another good option.  We ate scrambled or hard boiled eggs, fruit, and I would find muffin mixes or pancake mixes without dairy and make them with almond milk (they were really good with Vanilla almond milk). Also, I recently found that Silk makes a dairy-free yogurt and it is amazing (great to use in smoothies with almond milk!).  I found it at Publix where we do a majority of our shopping. I don't drink coffee, but I have seen Silk creamers too. And of course, bacon, sausage, etc.

Lunch:
I will be the first to admit that I can happily eat the same thing over and over and over again.  So, I'm sorry if you are a person who needs variety, but for lunch I often ate very similar things each day.  I made sandwiches (make sure bread is dairy-free) with Boar's head turkey (low sodium, so Nolan eats it now too and loves it!).  Skip the cheese on the sandwich, but add mayo (which is dairy-free, yay!), mustard, pickles, tomatoes, etc.  I usually had a side of fruit and then some sort of chip (kettle cooked potato chips are a good option, pretzels, chex mix;just make sure it isn't cheddar, almonds).  Peanut butter is also dairy-free so use it how you like.  Hummus is good with pita chips, salad with honey mustard (I put honey mustard on everything!!)

Dinner:
Here is where it gets tricky.  Especially when our whole family isn't dairy-free.  I would make dinner dairy-free and place cheese or butter on the table for Taylor to use if he wanted (on baked potatoes, bread, cheese for burgers, etc). So I'll just list a bunch of stuff we rotated through!
Meatloaf
Baked potatoes (I put honey mustard on mine, or used Smart Balance dairy-free butter)
Burgers with no cheese (most frozen fries are good to go, just check the labels)
Hot dogs
Pork chops
Bake or grill chicken (we marinate in Italian dressing usually and sometimes just put it over salad)
White wine chicken over pasta
Spaghetti with no cheese (make meatballs without cheese or bread crumbs)
Chili no cheese (we make a white chicken chili and a regular tomato based with ground beef)
Breakfast for dinner
Tacos (chicken or beef) no cheese
In the summer, we did beef kabobs with veggies on the grill
Shrimp or salmon would be another good option
Stir fry with rice
Pork BBQ

We always have a side of veggies (no butter, usually steamed)

I ate and used guacamole a ton.  It's a great substitute for things I normally liked sour cream on.  It was awesome in chili, on tacos, and just as a snack with chips.  Also salsa.  I wasn't big on using fake cheese, but really loved the Smart Balance dairy-free butter.  Taylor actually liked it better than regular butter and started eating it too.

Out to eat:
Most chain restaurants have nutrition menus that will tell you if something contains dairy.  Or you can ask.  At sit down restaurants I stuck to burgers with no cheese or steak/chicken and just asked that they made sure none of it was cooked in butter.  Also, salads without cheese.  We went to Chick-fil-A a lot and the fries and grilled nuggets are dairy-free.  I found a couple of local pizza places that do not use dairy in their crust so I would order a small with no cheese and whatever toppings I wanted.  It filled my desire for pizza and was fun to be able to order myself something for a family fun night.  Papa John's crust is also dairy-free.  Just be sure to specify that you do not want cheese on it.

Goodies:
I have a huge sweet tooth, so not having milk chocolate was hard.  But, I found some good substitutes.  A bunch of brownie mixes (and cake mixes) don't contain dairy.  Just check the box. Ghiradelli double chocolate brownie mix was my favorite!  A roll of sugar cookie dough is usually dairy-free too.  I found a dairy-free cheesecake at Publix (brand Daiya) that was surprisingly amazing.  Enjoy Life is a brand that makes a bunch of allergen-free foods.  I loved their chocolate chips!  And, to make your day, Girl Scout Thin Mints are dairy-free.

I was looking forward to trying Ben & Jerry's dairy free ice cream that just came out, but it hasn't made it to any stores near us yet!

I'm sure I am forgetting something!  I've heard a lot of people say they would never be able to give up dairy.  Having a sensitive or allergic baby is a huge motivator.  I soon realized the pain he was in and the fussiness that would ensue made the doughnuts and other things just not worth it.  Your stamina and willpower kick in and you just do it. The hardest part is social situations, but just plan ahead and pack your own food if you need to.  You can do it!!

Unmistakable signs that you've become a mom

Just real life over here, blurriness and all.

{one}. You cry over "mommy moments."  i.e. While watching Hook the other day with Gideon, I lost it at the end when Moira realizes her kids are back and collapses on the floor.  Or how about this ad.  All the feels and I totally cried.  Call it hormones or call it mom-ness.

{two}. Confusion of names.  I use to wonder how it was possible for my mom to mix up our names.  She called me by my siblings names and even went through our two cats before getting it right.  I totally get it now.  I mixed up Gideon's name before we even had Nolan and now it's just worse.

{three}. You cry at Facebook videos such as military homecomings. Those suckers get me every time.

{four}. You pray for bedtime, but ten minutes after your little terrors are asleep, you miss them.

{five}. You can impressively multi-task.  Taylor thought I was a ninja for being able to put my contacts in one-handed, but I told him that was nothing considering I can use the bathroom while nursing if need be.  Desperate times, guys.

{six}. You literally cry over spilt milk, not finding parking spots next to the cart corral, and when your husband tells you he's running late.

{seven}. You cry.  End of story.

{eight}. Laundry.  EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  It doesn't end.

{nine}. A turkey sandwich is a gourmet meal, especially if you get to eat it with two hands.

{ten}. Errands like doctors appointments feel like a vacation.  I'll get a pap smear every month for a couple hours alone.