Blogging is a funny thing. In fact, social media is a funny thing. Tiny snippets of someone's life that is shared with many and usually we all choose to only share the really, really great parts. Of course. Who wants to share the fights, the sorrow (although you know I have shared mine lately), the blah days, the embarrassing moments. Not many people will choose to do that. And in turn, social media becomes a place where we marvel at others "lives" and slowly become dissatisfied with our own. In honor of full disclosure, I want to share some of the realness that is my life most days.
Most days, I pick up a thousand Cheerios. My son thinks it is necessary to pick up the bowl and fling them around the room and then intermittently grab one, as he passes it, to snack on. I pick them up only to find them spewed everywhere again not even five minutes later. And sometimes, if I'm lucky, I grab a soggy one off the floor, in all it's glory. Ugh.
Around here, I barely find time to go the bathroom. And when I do, I don't have the luxury of closing the door. There is always a little shadow close behind. And while I handle my business, he takes it upon himself to empty the contents from under the sink.
Lately, I have a defiant toddler on my hands. I say "no, no" a million times to where it grates on my nerves to have to say it again. I lose my cool and find myself screaming a prayer at the top of my lungs because I need to raise my voice and the things I really want to say are not appropriate. So a prayer it is. And that defiant toddler tests his limits to the max. He looks me straight in the eyes while throwing food off of his tray and just so I am fully aware that he knows he is not supposed to do it, he says "no, no" at the same time.
Most days, chores like laundry become a bigger task than they should be. Gideon thinks he needs to go behind me and unfold things I just folded. Or hide socks fresh from the dryer. And a majority of the time, I walk into his room to find the contents of his drawers thrown everywhere. Five. minutes. after. I organized. them.
Most evenings, I find myself spending so much time making dinner that I hardly find the time to sit down and enjoy it. I plan, stir, bake, and because of issues with dairy, I often find myself making something completely different for Gideon. And lunch. Don't get me started on lunch. It is usually followed by a nap, so I often eat on the move as I clean Gideon up from his food and try to get him diapered as he runs and hides from me. A balanced diet. What's that?
Most days, I don't spend a lot of time on my hair or getting dressed. Sweatpants count as getting dressed, right? I have baby hairs, growing back in from postpartum hair loss and it looks ridiculous if I try to wear my hair up. So Sunday. Sunday is the day where I actually spend a little time on me.
I hope this doesn't sound like complaining. I wouldn't trade any of this. Because despite all of this and in the midst of all of this I have moments like these below. Moments where I see wonder in the eyes of my son. Moments where he cuddles close and wants a kiss. I feel the world in those moments.
And even on the days, where I look Taylor in the eye and tell him "I need a break." A day-away, an overnight, get-my-mind-together kind of break, I find myself missing my boy as I drive away.
Yes, it may be a pain to put Gideon down and let him walk. He may be slow and take his time. But, is it that important to get from here to there so quickly? Is it so wrong to stop and wave at everyone? Do I move so fast that I miss seeing those around me? Is that why I need a toddler? I think so.
So, there you have it. Full disclosure. Most days around here are filled with messes and mistakes. But, even in that, there are little lessons and glimpses of greatness.