One.

Today, my baby turns one.  I have the urge to cry knowing he will never be that tiny baby again, but also the urge to celebrate that I made it through my first year of motherhood with only a few bumps and bruises from along the way.

I have thought of December 5, 2012 a million times throughout the last year.  I have no doubt that I will remember it as long as I live.  I know there was pain on that day.  But, in all honesty, I can't remember the pain.  But, here is what I do remember...

I remember the squeals of my mom, "he's here, he's here!"

I remember Taylor's tears streaming down his cheeks as he held my face.

I remember tiny fingers and tiny toes (I even asked if he had all ten of each!).

I remember soft baby murmurs and how his arms flailed all over.  He wasn't used to having room.

I remember a full head of dark hair.  I celebrated over this.  I did not want a bald baby.

I remember chicken tenders, cheesecake and sweet tea afterwards.  It tasted like heaven.

I remember the excitement that filled room 1508.  It was palpable.  

I remember spending the entire night watching him sleep.  I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

That day changed me.  It was an experience unlike any other.  It made me a mother.  But, it took this year to grow me into that role.  The past year hasn't been cupcakes and giggles all day, every day.  But just like it took the pain of birth to bring me those sweet memories, it has taken long days and nights to bring us the joy of Gideon's first birthday.

I remember sleepless nights of rocking and singing.

I remember wearing him in the sling at church.

I remember him rolling over for the first time, sitting alone, crawling, standing.

I remember his first tooth, haircut (by me!), fall, and laugh.

I remember nursing EVERYWHERE.  Church, the doctor, the car, an airplane.  

I remember him saying "mama."  

I remember when he began to discover the world around him.

I remember nine months without dairy (so worth it!).

I remember it all.  But, I don't remember when my baby became a boy.

*You can read Gideon's birth story here.  It was the first post I wrote to jumpstart this year of blogging.  I finally had something important to write.  He inspired me to pick it back up!