29 August 2013

My dreams have changed to minivans and diapers.

An old friend recently wrote a post that made me think.  It made me think back to high school and college and to analyze my own dreams versus where I am today.  (This is by no means a knock on her post.  I, in fact, loved it and think she is an inspiring writer.  So much so, that it inspired me to write this.)

I didn't dream of wearing spit-up.

I didn't dream of waking up every night at 4:30 am.

I didn't dream of being a youth minister's wife.

I didn't dream of wanting a minivan because it sounds practical.

I certainly didn't dream that being a stay-at-home mom would be the hardest thing I have ever done.

Late in my high school career and early in college, I had what most would consider BIG dreams.  I honestly didn't share them out loud with many people because I knew the response I would get.  A head nod, with a fake smile and an even faker encouragement.

Sure, of course YOU can make it as a journalist in New York City.  Yea, uh huh.  We'll see.

I could see the thoughts running through their heads, so I bottled it up and kept it inside for just me.  Sure, I would tell a few people that I wanted to move to New York City after graduating, but who doesn't think that at some point in their life?

I wanted to write.  I wanted to write what I know.  Find out what I didn't know and write that too.  I wanted to live the busy NYC life.  Cab rides, high rises, food trucks.  I dreamed of it all.  How exciting that would be.

If you have read this blog for any length of time or know me personally, you probably have gathered that I do not live in NYC.  Right now, I am a 25 year old, stay-at-home mom.  Most people would look at me and think, She gave up on her dreams.  I'm here to say, that my dreams and my heart changed instead.

Not to say that what I was dreaming was bad.  In no way was it.  But, the Lord had sewn a different story for me.  One with Taylor and a marriage at the age of 22.  One with a suburban life.  One with a blog instead of a magazine.  One with a Gideon with a side of spit-up, diapers, and oodles of love. One that is my own pattern and purpose.

I dream of watching Gideon grow to know the Lord. Teaching him new things daily.

I dream of standing beside Taylor as he uses his gifts to minister each day.

I dream of more babies.  Oh that newborn scent is heady stuff and like a drug that should be bottled up and cherished.

I dream of writing here each day.  Not expecting a million people to read it, but knowing I am doing what I love and sharing it with those I love.

I dream of that minivan.  Ok, not really.  I'll take a Tahoe or Sorento.

I certainly had my mind made up early about what I wanted.  And of course, I continue to do things in my own unique fashion.  But, I know it took a mighty work from the Creator of my heart to turn his dreams into my own.

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