14 June 2013

Letter from Mama

Dear Gideon,

Six months is fun.  You are fun.  And exhausting, all at the same time. How is that possible?  You are a ball of energy that I sometimes can't keep up with.  But, I love it.  Determination is clear on your face when you want something and the frustration is right behind it when you just can't seem to get it.  Patience, little one.  Patience.

I like to dream about what you will grow up to be.  Hopefully not a veterinarian.  I've seen the way you handle Nala.  She didn't appreciate you using her tail as a way to get closer to her.  And those handfuls of fur you pulled out.  I'm pretty sure she would have snapped her fingers in Z formation if she had thumbs.  And somehow she loves you still.  Anyways, where was I?  Oh, yea.  What you will be when you grow up.  Maybe a firefighter.  Or a hockey player (my pick for sure!). A graphic designer.  A great singer.  Dream big, baby.  Dream big.  But not an astronaut.  We all know how I feel about space.

I already know you were meant for great things.  How?  Well, you are named Gideon.  Mighty warrior.  Man of valor.  Gulp.  Big things.  You are already living up to it.  You teach me new things each day.  Like, how long I can listen to your screams before I go crazy.  Just kidding. But not. You have taught me how big love is and how small I am.  I think it is important for us all to be put in our place and you sure have done that for me.  Before you, I was selfish.  And let's face it, I will always be a little bit selfish.  You have shown me to think beyond me.  To see beyond me.  And it is refreshing to not constantly be dwelling on what I need or want.  I get to focus on you and your needs.  I fail daily.  Sorry, dude.  It happens.  Thanks for the sloppy kisses anyways.

I had emotional mommy tears the other day.  Seeing how big you are is awesome but makes me sad all at the same time. I know, these hormones are OFF. THE. CHARTS.  Live with it.  I can't control them.  But, I know you will never be as little as you are now.  I want to freeze you at this stage, but not all at the once.  I love each new adventure you have.  Trying to crawl, learning to sit, eating new things.  And I want all that for you.  But, I want my baby to stay a baby also.  Because I know one day you will meet some girl who woos you away.  And yes, I just said woo.  How about a promise?  Just love your mama forever and I will let you grow up, ok?  Just promise to give me kisses (you can wait until your friends aren't looking) and always come home.

I love you Gideon Sawyer.  And you better freaking say "dada" soon or he might think we are out to get him.

Love, Mama

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